make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
