I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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