So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
