haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
