Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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