he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
