I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
