Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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