one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
