my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
