i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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