I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
