she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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