If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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