I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
