you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
do nipples grow back?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
