i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
