dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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