Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
