quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
