a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
