dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the condom got lost in my hair
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Congratulations! We have a period
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