Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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