I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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