Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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