I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
