Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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