if you like me you must not know who I am
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
