I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
