Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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