I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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