i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
