Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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