we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
