you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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