We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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