I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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