is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
