It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
