Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
