Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
