Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
