i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
