I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
