when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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