May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
