I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
