I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
