So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
