If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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