my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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