Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
