I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
