I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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