i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
